and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
