Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
