She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
