Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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