why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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