This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize