**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
