On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
