i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
