Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
