i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
