my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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