Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
