Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
