dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
