he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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