The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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