My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
