you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
