Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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