uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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