she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
