My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
