You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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