i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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