Pants 0. Shit 1.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
