i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
