remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she looked like the before picture.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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