Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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