I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
