so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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