I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
