My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
