The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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