Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
