i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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