It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
