I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
