Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize