U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They took my balls.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
