There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
