Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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