I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
