Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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