i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize