3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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