the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
