If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He felt like a one man threesome
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
