Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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