Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
