i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
time to smoke my breakfast
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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