Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The adults are the big ones right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
