I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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