I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
