I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize