Will you blow on my dice?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
