Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
