We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've blown a few things in my day
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
