Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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