The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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