I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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