well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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