dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Congratulations! We have a period
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