Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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