I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
