I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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