I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
