Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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