when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
