And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
