Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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