my sisters under your porch take her home
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
