Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
