o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
