Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
