My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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