Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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