Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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