Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
