i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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