My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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