Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
