I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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