you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
