So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
