i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
