i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
