cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
