i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
