Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
