I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
