i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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