can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
