I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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