can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
