OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
