Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
